Mental Health is a topic that is still a huge stigma to this day. It is hard to hear people not understanding that mental illness can be just as difficult as physical illness. There are many ways you can get to a point where your mental health is affected, and there are a lot of mental illnesses that affect thousands of people, daily. Today I am going to talk about my battle with anxiety and depression.
I grew up as a very sensitive and emotional child and my development was quite delayed. I struggled to follow instruction (I have a developmental disorder called: Dyspraxia) and I tended to get really upset during any type of confrontation. People saw how I reacted after making any type of comment, and started to see me as a target for daily emotional and psychological abuse. Although I was never hurt physically, words can be just as painful.
Throughout my Primary and High School years, the bullying became constant. It got to the point where I thought that it would never stop. I would hear the horrible things my peers would say to me, over and over in my head as I tried to sleep. I started to believe that I was worthless, that no one loved me. I started to feel physically ill at the mere thought of going into school. It got to a point where I would just walk out. I was never a “problematic” teen and I just wanted out of the toxic environment. Even going into town was agonising and I couldn’t leave the house without my mum. The thought of going anywhere without any type of “protection” would give me serious panic attacks.
Luckily for me, I got to leave school when I was 16 and continue my education at college. The atmosphere was completely different. I began to seek counselling every week, and I could see my confidence grow again. When I thought I had full control of my anxiety, that’s when things started to get dark…
I would wake up in the morning and be still. I would feel nothing.I would feel sad yet I did not want to cry. I would tell people I feel low but did not know why. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I would completely lost my appetite or filled the void inside me by overeating. There were days where I couldn’t go for a shower. I would just lie in bed with no intention or wish to face anyone. It wasn’t until I had many interventions by my mum to tell me to go the doctors. I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 17 but because I was still considered quite young, my doctor didn’t want to put me on any strong medication. It was at this point I said to myself “okay I can deal with this”. To say, I was wrong was an understatement. I would have fantasies of taking my own life, dreams of seriously harming myself. I had even cut myself on occasions. This continued until I was about 19.
It wasn’t until I watched a video that truly opened my eyes and made me clearly see what my depression was and what it was making me into. I saw that anti depressants, although not a cure or a solution, can truly help get the “happy” hormones into your brain and keep you balanced as you get through your day to day life. Since that day I have taken 100mg of sertraline. I must take it every day to keep me on the right track.
Here is the video below!
Anti depressants may not be the answer for everyone, but talking to a healthcare professional is definitely a huge step forward. I understand it is easier said than done but remember that NO-ONE in a doctor or therapist office is there to judge you. In fact the opposite, they have probably heard every story thrown to them so there is no reason for you to be judged. You can call the Samaritans, or go online to sites like “moodcafe” where people can help you understand your mental illness.
Here at Fuzz, our social media is always open for anyone who would like an advise or just someone to talk to. Remember you are not alone and things do get better, you are strong, DON’T FORGET THAT.