Every night, I think how long will I exist and how long will it take me to reach the point when I will stop surviving and start living. Every morning, I wake up with one thing in mind, I have to make my day count. Such is my life.
Hello! I am Ayushi from India. I am 20 years old girl who is trying to find her identity through writing.
This is an introduction piece where I will talk about myself. Why should it interest you? The simple answer is that you will be reading my pieces and all of them kind of follows a single thread of thought. “Pattern” is the more appropriate term to use. A little introduction will set the tone for my future articles and sort of prepare my readers as to what they will get from my side.
I am a Digital Marketer. Funny enough, my educational background and my nature completely contradict with my job profile. In 2016, I completed my graduation in English Hons.
During my college life, I found a safe haven in my college library. Away from all the stuff happening in different societies, I would spend my whole day with Agatha Christie or her literary counterparts. Somehow, I have always found comfort in books. Therefore, spending hours with books is quite normal for me.
In other words, I am a reader whose world exists within written words.
But suddenly, at my workplace, the uncertain rabbit hole I jumped into six months ago, I am expected to be dynamic and fast. Oh! I forgot to tell you one thing. I am an introvert. This worsens the situation, I guess.
I don’t even speak to my colleagues and my boss has always wanted me to be efficient. I am still figuring out a way to be “social” and not lose my balance. It’s been a failure but I will not lose hope.
You might be thinking, why did I take this job? The reason lies in the fear of stagnancy. While I love to take things through my own preferred pace, I hate stagnancy.
I had two minds about post-graduation. Instead of sitting at home, I decided to use my time in acquiring a new skill. Isn’t it what we all do? Unsettle ourselves to escape unemployment.
Apart from my employment woes, I have learned a thing or two at my workplace about human nature. If I am sharing my daily struggles, let me break the monotony with some lessons.
We humans are egoistic and the biggest lesson I learned was that nothing benefits more than leaving your ego at home. It inhibits learning. If your shift is 8 hours, treat those eight hours as a frame in which you will train yourself to do something on your own.
When I started my job, I was dependent on managers to get things done. 6 months down, I can say quite confidently that I can now get things done. It has not been easy. People used to think that I am an arrogant teenager but no one tried to understand that my silence was my struggle. I did not have the courage to go to people and ask questions. It seemed that everyone was in rush and no one had time to answer my questions and resolve my issues.
But slowly, I learned that people like to be respected. If you are polite and attentive, they are quite willing to help you. So, treat everyone with respect.
Another important thing that I learned was to stand up for myself. No matter how difficult it is, if you are facing a problem, speak about it. Go to the highest authority if the need arises but just don’t let it go. Believe me, ignorance is not bliss. I don’t know if taking this job is right or wrong, but I hope that when I move on, I will be more confident in my choices. Again, hoping is not a crime, I guess.
Apart from my job, there is one more thing I do. I write. Writing is my salvation. I am not good but I just cannot stop myself from scribbling down my thoughts. There is an urge to speak up. I am not social but there are issues I want to talk about. So, writing is the medium I have chosen to talk about them.
As much as I love writing, I also love reading. As mentioned above, books are my life. I cannot imagine my life without them. As I am writing down this piece, another tab is opened that mentions the recommendations of books one must read. The recommendations are from Maria, the blogger of Brain Pickings.
Now that the topic of reading has cropped, let me tell you about my favorite books. I love “Beloved” by Toni Morrison, “Funny Boy” by Shyam Selvadurai, “Color Purple” by Alice Walker, “The Kite Runner” by Khalid Hosseini and “Home and The World” by Rabindranath Tagore. What are yours by the way? Have you read any of these books?
Half of this post is filled with my life at my workplace. But I am more than that. A lot of people think that I am a bookworm whose life starts and ends in books. It’s partially true but there are a lot of things I do when I am alone. A lot of things only my friends are aware of!
For instance, I am trying my hands on sketching. My favorite part of sketching is drawing eyes. When I complete my person’s eyes, it feels like he/she is looking over my sketch to see if it’s coming out right or not.
In my free time, I juggle my time between drawing and browsing.I love to browse music and series. I came across K-pop while browsing and I feel blessed to discover it. The same goes for Kdrama. My favorite K-pop band at the moment is BTS and favorite drama is “W”.
But my exploration does not stop at K world. I have watched French, German and Japanese movies. International cinema interests me quite a lot. I wish to learn Bengali, Korean, French and Urdu language. I have seen a gap between the original and authentic. So, I want to enchant myself with the original works.
That’s all for today. I hope to meet you all someday so that we can sit together and discuss our works. I would listen about your life and how far have you come.
There is no harm in hoping I guess.
That’s what I have been doing for most of my life. Hoping that one day I will have enough freedom to take decisions for myself. Hoping that someday, I will be able to sit and write my first novel. Hoping that I will make my way on the road without feeling uneasy.
Tell me, who are you? Did my life bore you?