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Booksellers reveal the weirdest things they’ve heard from customers

Everywhere you go, you can easily overhear conversations between two people whether it’s on purpose or by accident, especially in retail. We found ten booksellers and asked them for the conversations they’ve overheard in bookshops which might just make your day.

1. They might get a bit more profit off it

Customer: Excuse me, do you have any signed copies of Shakespeare plays?
Bookseller: Er…do you mean signed by the people who performed the play?
Customer: No, I mean signed by William Shakespeare.

2. Not-so-intelligent reading

Customer: What books could I buy to make guests look at my bookshelf and think: ‘Wow, that guy’s intelligent’?

3. Anne Frank’s biggest fan

Customer: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel? I really enjoyed her first book.
Bookseller: Her diary?
Customer: Yes, the diary.
Bookseller: Her diary wasn’t fictional.
Customer: Really?
Bookseller: Yes… She really dies at the end – that’s why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp.
Customer: Oh… It’s such a shame, you know? She was a really good writer

4. Well, that explains a lot

Bookshop Customer: Who wrote the bible?
Customer’s friend: Jesus

5. The new Narnia sequel

Customer: Do you have this children’s book I’ve heard about? It’s supposed to be very good. It’s called “Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe.”

6. The vampire apocalypse

Customer: I’m always on the night shift at work.
Bookseller (jokingly): Is that why you’re buying so many vampire novels?
Customer (seriously): You can never be too prepared.

7. The Famous Five don’t age well

Customer (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles really were crap, weren’t they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a Caravan…. If it was Five Go Down to a Crack House it might be a bit more exciting.

8. At least this one makes sense

Customer: It makes me sad that grown up books don’t have pictures in them. You’re brought up with them when you’re younger, and then suddenly they’re all taken away.

9. If only we could…

Person: Hi, I’m looking for a Mr. Patrick.
Bookseller: No one of that name works here, sorry.
Person: But does he live here?
Bookseller:… no one lives here; we’re a bookshop.
Person: Are you sure?

10. The unlucky customer

Bookseller: Ok, so with postage that brings your total to £13.05. One second and I’ll get the card machine.
Customer: No, absolutely not. I demand that you charge me £12.99. I will not pay for anything that starts with thirteen. You’re trying to give me bad luck. Now, change it or I will go to a bookshop who doesn’t want me to fall down a hole and die. Ok?

Written by Polly Tyler

Just a little writer who's entered the world of journalism.

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