Chali
An open letter to ending 2016.
I want to write this letter for myself because at the end of the day, even a year later, I want to be able to look back to this piece and say that, “I wrote it.”
It’s not going to be a masterpiece, but it’s going to be heartfelt, touching enough to be memorable and loving. 2016 is a year to remember, so many good things happen but we’re all blinded by this cloud of negativity that went down.
There was a lot of world-wide issues that were happening and there was also personal ones. For the first time ever, I found a passion and a sport that I was good at. It helped me release my tension and strive for success even more. With finding that sport, I also found a boy to like. He consumed some of my time but I mean, it’s over with now.
2016 was a year to look at myself and see how far I’ve grown as a person. I’ve learned that I am very emotional but I have my own ways to handle it. Writing or listening to music was my way to leave the world for awhile, then coming back and feeling fresh. I didn’t feel dependent on my friends anymore and I know when to draw the line to protect myself.
People tell me all the time that I have a good heart and I do try my very best to do that because I want my world to be good, positive and happy. Though with doing that, I sometimes tend to shut myself out because I don’t know how to prioritize. Whatever the situation was, at the end of the day, it all was painful for me.
Right from the start of the year near my birthday, I almost had to cut a friendship off loose because they weren’t treating me the way I deserved. We both have gone through so much and it was odd for him to act that way. I wasn’t willing to end the battle when I knew I could help them. Did this hurt me? Of course, it was rough but I wanted it. Well, not the pain, I knew that in the future, the friendship was valuable and worth fighting for.
Then, March 25th came and blessed my life. I mean people can think of it being the anniversary of Zayn leaving the band or just a regular day, but I know it as the release of Mind of Mine from Zayn himself. That man blessed my life. I’m not going to lie, I actually cried when I heard Pillowtalk for the first time because I was so happy for him. He was able to make the music he want and being able to hear his debut single, showed me his freedom that he was longing for five years. I was literally a proud mom.
I don’t think people understand my love for Zayn at all. He will be one of the only people other than my family to be able to put a smile on my face no matter what. I know he doesn’t know me and I don’t fully know him but it comforting to see that he is happy somewhere right now in the world.
Moving on to finding the love of my life, badminton! Being able to make it on the team and placed pretty good during our championship was amazing. I’ve never played competitively until this year and it opened my eyes to helped me realized how competitive and determined I am. I was able to see myself physically improve day by day and the result paid off as I got MVP for my category.
With that said, I’ve also met a boy. He was my badminton partner and someone who was really nice. I grew fond of him and my friends would constantly tease me about how much he was helping me and how they shipped it. I guess hearing so much about that made me think their way and my feelings kind of took of from there. It was nice for a while but having another person come into the picture did not make the situation any better.
Now that, that’s when my year started shaking. I questioned my friendship, my loyalty and everything. It made me want to find better people in my life who truly cared about me and appreciate those who are already in my life. With that being said, some friendships rekindled and some totally fell flat.
Do I regret that happening? Not at all, I actually think it made me a better person and helped guide me to better things. I learned to be grateful of the people around me and even towards myself. I think that sometimes, I don’t give myself enough credit when I really should. I’m not the strongest out there but I am still strong. The entire year, I wanted to look out for everyone else and I forgot that I still needed to fix and take care of myself. I was almost too late to do that because I was showing so many unhealthy symptoms such as not eating much, wanting to throw up, losing weight, constantly stressed out and wanting to cry. It was really rough.
Good news is, I’m out of that. I’m a more healthy me. I realized what was bothering me and came through. I didn’t need to stay and try to fix the situation because it felt like it was too late and nothing was going to work.
Now time to thank people. From day 1, Jelena has been my rock. She knows anything and everything about me. I can always go to her no matter what happens. Our friendship was never this smooth, we also went through a rough time in life but we got through it because we loved each other. No matter what happened, I knew I was going to be drawn to her at the end of the day to pour my life to her. She is one of the kindest, sweetest, clumsiest person I know. This year, I knew we definitely reached one of the top moments for our friendship because it is the most stable I’ve seen ever. Thank you so much for dealing with me. I love you very much.
Next up we have Emma. She hasn’t been around in my life for a long time but she is definitely someone I look forward to seeing everyday soon. I never understood the meaning of having an online best friend until I found her tweet and messaged her. She is so kindhearted and loving of her friends and Louis. Emma has never failed to show her and appreciation towards me even when we would have our Zigi VS. Zerrie arguments. She is probably the only reason I want my iPhone back.
I know it is going to be hard to sum my entire year with this letter but as of right now, that is all I have. Thank you 2016 for being such a memorable year for us. I’ve learned a lot from you and I look forward to seeing what 2017 has for me.
Now, I want to leave everyone off with a song called Fake Love by Drake. This song literally sum up most of my time in 2016.
A closed letter to ending 2016.
