Fuzzable
I’m at a point in life where I feel that time is passing me by. I’ve got friends at university, friends at college and friends that are working. But I’m not really doing anything.
I try and tell myself that I’m being productive, that I’ll work everything out along the way. But I just don’t feel it. I don’t feel like I’m being as productive as I should be. Whether I’m working on my own blog, working on articles, searching for jobs or a bunch of other things that are in the works, I feel like I’m not doing anything quick enough.
The only way I can describe it is like I’m on a horizontal line, and everyone else I know is on the line too. They’re all moving forward on the line but I’m in the same place, I don’t move. Then there’s a vertical line that represents time, or my idea of time and what it means. And time is catching up to me and it’s going to pass me by because I feel like I’m not achieving things as quickly as I think or should, or as quickly as other people are.
This idea I have of time is something I need to work on. Because I know if one of my friends described this issue to me I’d let them know that there’s no time limit on achievements. I know I’d tell them that they don’t need to achieve grand things to feel validated. That they don’t need to achieve certain things at certain ages. But no matter how many times I try, I can’t tell that to myself and have it mean something.
I’ve felt this way for a while now. It’s always the same feeling that arises, especially in times where I feel like I’m stagnating. The only plausible way I can combat this is to direct the energy into something more positive; to keep doing what I’m doing. I’m going to keep working on my blog, on articles, on looking for jobs. I’m going to keep doing these things and try my best at them, even though there are so many forces that make it feel 10x harder than it should be.
If you read all the way to the end, thank you. I promise I’m not this gloomy all the time!
