I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all felt jealous before. Emotions are human and jealousy is an emotion. We’re jealous of the things other have. We’re jealous of others looks, talents, or belongings. But the worst kind of jealousy to feel, in my opinion, is the one felt when you see someone you love with another.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed the boy I’ve been head over heels for with another girl. I was a little bit jealous, I’ll admit.
Recently, I found out he started dating her.
I’m extremely jealous, I’ll admit.
I’m never the girl who gets lucky enough to have her crush like her back. I doubt I’ll ever be that girl and I can’t help being jealous of the girl who is lucky enough to have my crush like her. He’s sweet, smart, and a wonderful person in general. How could I not be jealous?
As much as I hate this feeling, it’s not like I can control it. I like this boy and there’s not much I can do about it. I’m jealous of this girl and there’s not much as can do about that either. Now I find myself constantly invalidating my feelings because I think they’re wrong, but how can feelings be wrong? What we feel should never be invalidated because there isn’t much we can do about it. We can’t simply decide not to like someone. We can’t simply say that we’re not hurt. It’s not something we decide, our hearts decide that for us.
I’d love to simply forget that I’m human and have feelings, but for whatever reason that’s not possible. I love and I hate and I feel guilty about it sometimes too. I feel guilty that I’m jealous and dislike this girl. We all get these feelings at some point or another and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel jealous of someone, I promise. It’s okay that we can’t control the way we feel about a situation. In the end, what matters most is what we do about our feelings.
I don’t like this girl and it breaks my heart to see her with the boy I like. I don’t like that I feel that way either, but what can I do? All I can do is sit around and let things happen. I don’t have control of everything, not even my own emotions, and I guess I have to deal with that. We have to deal with the fact that sometimes our heart doesn’t agree with our brain.
This blog was rushed and it hurt to write because I can’t stop thinking about how wrong it feels to be jealous of someone for a situation they can’t exactly control. But I hope that if you learned anything from this it’s that’s your feelings matter and they are valid. Don’t let anyone, especially not yourself, tell you otherwise.