So, I’m not even sure how to talk about the most traumatic time in my life but I’m going to try. The fact that I’m finding it hard to talk about even though I left three years ago says enough. When I say high school, I’m more specifically talking about 2013 – 2015, Year 10 & 11.
I’m putting a quick trigger warning on because I’m about to talk about mental health and self harm.
Year 10 was, and I still stand by this although my university year is a close second, the absolute worst year of my whole education. I was being bullied more than I ever had before, my group of friends were beginning to hate me and I was doing things I’m not proud of. I was struggling more than I ever had before and I did not know how to deal with that.
Quickly, my teachers began to find out what was happening and that I was self harming. Then my parents found out and I started going to see a therapist and my life was beginning to get back on track until it wasn’t and I was back at square one. My friends were no longer really my friends and I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life. I completely isolated myself, I was crying myself to sleep every single night and I had nobody to turn to. I promised my parents I was getting better but really I was struggling. My six week therapy turned into six months and I was just miserable.
But then, year ten was coming to an end and I was suddenly happy again. I had the absolute best summer, my family and I had so many good things going on and it was all good. Until September happened again and it was time for year eleven, oh boy.
On one hand, year eleven was great because I knew the worst few years of my life were coming to an end. But, on the other hand, I’ve never been so alone. The friends I mentioned, well, they were non existent in my final year, they had each other but I was completely alone. Sometimes, even though you’ve been friends with someone for longer, they still believe someone else when they make something up about you and then everyone ditches you. But, enough about that.
Year eleven is when my mental health really started to take a turn for the worse. But my therapy had finished so I went from having friends and having therapy to get better to having no friends and no therapy. It was horrible. And along with all of that, the word GCSE’s was floating about because my exams were finally coming around.
Although, it got to January and things actually started to get better. I started a new lot of therapy that really helped me understand that no matter how alone I felt at school, I had other people around me who loved me. And, I started to make some new friends at school. Even though I complain that my maths teacher used to tell us off all the time, I’m glad for her because she sat me on a table with three people who I started to become close to and actually like and they seemed to like me and respect me too. I finished high school three years ago and I still talk to them every so often to check in with them. Life was finally coming around.
This stuff really got me through until May when even my friends who isolated me began to talk to me again. I know it wasn’t real but it was still more people to talk to and sit next to in lessons every so often. And then exams came. I cried a lot, stressed a lot, had a breakdown in my physics exam but I still got through it. I still passed all of my exams and came back on the other side stronger.
I will always look back at high school as the worst years of my life and I can say hand on heart that they were but they also taught me what real friends are like and how strong I actually can be. Now, I’m on the other side, with a best friend who really taught me what a real friend is and even though I’m still struggling with my mental health, I know I’ll never be back in a place where I feel like I need to self harm because I know I’ll make it through in the end. So, really what I’m trying to say is, I know high school is absolute hell and it feels like it’ll never end, but I promise you that it will and you will come out on the other side stronger and happier!
Until next month friends,