It’s been a weird month. I feel like it’s been a million years since my last blog post, and yet it feels like yesterday, you know?
Anyway, a new year means a new semester and new classes. From somewhat interesting required classes to ones that actually pertain to my major, it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. In the midst of everything, I’ve been having an ongoing identity crisis. And not like the kind where someone keeps charging weird Amazon items to your account.
So, I’m a journalism major, and I’m taking two strictly journalism classes. In both of them, I feel like the odd one out. I’m super introverted/shy/socially anxious (I have literally 2 IRL friends. And one goes to college in another state). I’m interested in human rights, the environment, politics, and fashion, probably in that order, and I’m also very (inwardly) queer. Everyone I’ve talked to in both classes are somewhat to extremely extroverted, love sports, and are more or less the complete opposite of me.
This is what caused my identity crisis. When you’re the weird one in class, it can cause all kinds of negative thoughts. Am I even in the right major? I just want to sit alone by myself and write and not have to talk to people. The issue is I don’t want to do “normal” journalism (working for a newspaper or whatever, reporting from the scene). I want to work for a magazine (or a blog) that’s specific to one broad topic, and where a story takes a long time to write.
I think I’m still in my identity crisis. Now, I feel better (we’ll get to that in a second), but I’ve found that there is a certain journalism “look,” at least at my school. The stereotypically pretty girls and boys are the ones running the show, and the quiet shy kid gets ignored, as per usual. You would think I’d be used to it by now, but it still hurts.
Now, back to the whole feeling better thing. I have a saying that music always finds you at the right time. And in this case, it really did. In the midst of my crisis, I discovered Christine and The Queens. And I fell in love – and by love I mean I listened to the same song on repeat for 2 weeks. That song was Tilted. Listening to it, I realized that I needed to be less hard on myself, be less of a downer, and know that I am in my right place, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I am actually good. It’s okay to be a little bit tilted.