Contrary to popular belief and despite the numerous close calls, last months’ exams did not kill me off. For that reason, as you may have already guessed, I’m back with a February update.
But in case you missed January’s, let me just help a brother out: Hi, I’m Jenn, it’s been a month exactly since I turned 23-years-old (still feels weird saying that), I’m a psych grad who drastically decided to start studying journalism following an unexpected and impulsive series of midnight thoughts (as you do). Okay, you’re all caught up, you may continue…
So it’s happened: after five tiring months, I have completed my journalism course (though I anticipate resits in my future but alas, let me have my moment.)
February 10th marked the exact date that I sat the last official exam for said course. And yes, it was a 100 words per minute shorthand one, in which I had a near anxiety attack before, during and after. My hand hasn’t moved that fast in its little life… and I was once a grade 6, first clarinet (I say that like it’s a horrifically cool thing to brag about when it’s definitely not).
However, now that the course has finally had its curtain call and all exams (-cough- until resits -cough-) are done, I’m left in this in between, sort of not knowing what to do with my life, what’s going to happen, where I’m supposed to go etc.
It’s – as you can probably imagine – not so fun to deal with.
So far, life has consisted of job searches, marathoning three series of How to Get Away with Murder, job searches, marathoning both seasons of Crazy-Ex Girlfriend, job searches, going to current place of employment and having to deal with members of the public (yuk), job searches, annoying former tutors to ask daft questions about resits and results, job searches…
You get the point: I’m trying to Adult(TM) and failing.
To top it all off, waiting for results for the exams I did is literally causing me to be riddled with anxiety. Not having a job in the field I want to work in yet is also having a similar effect (but with the additional financial worry because like.. have to Adult as I’m supposed to be a 23-year-old).
I have all this time on my hands now that I’m not studying 24/7 nor working full-time, meaning I’m constantly focusing on the idea of failing my exams.
I touched upon it in my first blog, I have this terrible and irrational fear of failure, which now that I think about it, most likely stems from the fact that I have OCD and born on the Capricorn-Aquarius cusp (we can tell which is probably the main influencing factor here but let me blame it on my combined zodiac sign while I live in Failing Adult Denial… thanks)
There’s only so many shows I can begin watching and get through non-stop within the space of three days before I realise the distraction isn’t truly working.
I even attempted clearing out my entire bedroom (wardrobe and all) the other day in hopes of getting my mind off looking for a job and waiting to hear how good/bad/ugly I’ve done in these exams. I have also spent practically every day getting out of the house just doing pointless things to pass the time and stop thinking about life and reality.
In the words of Dusty Springfield: “I just don’t know what to do with myself”
I should really join the gym or something. That would give me something to do, I assume. And it’s technically beneficial considering it helps with stress (which I have plenty of) and since I have challenged myself to drop a dress size by the end of the year (which you can keep track of by following the ‘To the ten, Jenn‘ posts also in the Blog section on Fuzzable – yeah got that cheeky promo in).
On a serious note, I’m honestly considering carrying out a Google search into “how does one adult??????”
If anyone has the answer, let me know. Or if you have any advice to offer or looking for it yourself, hit me up over on @Fuzzable and we can have a meltdown together. Lol thanks. I’m also completely open to discussing HTGAWM and Crazy-Ex because dammnnn those shows are my new favourite things in life.
Anyway, maybe in next month’s update you will see me excelling in the area of Adulting… yeah, I know, very unlikely.