Hey guys! It’s Michele again, and from now on, you’ll be seeing blog posts from me on the 19th of every month. If you missed my last blog post, click here.
Today I’m going to be talking about two things: fandoms…and feelings.
I’m in a lot of fandoms. TV shows, movies, music, books, YouTubers…you name it. It seems that every couple of months I start loving something new, and it wasn’t until recently that I noticed a pattern. Every time I joined a fandom, it was at a time when I would be really stressed or depressed.
Probably the most obvious example that I can think of is when I joined the One Direction fandom, which was in the second half of my freshman year in high school (2012). Throughout middle school and into high school, I was bullied for being Mexican-American. I was constantly picked on from my other classmates because I was one of the very few in my entire school with colored skin. People assumed I did not know English, and they treated me like someone who did not belong. I cried a lot, and I dreaded waking up every morning.
Then I discovered One Direction, and instead of crying because I was sad, I was crying because they made me so happy. Just by watching a compilation video of their funniest moments would make my day. I loved listening to their music, watching their music videos, and interacting with the 1D fandom. For the first time in a long time, I looked forward to each and every day, because I couldn’t wait to turn on my computer, log in to Twitter, and see what was happening in the world of One Direction.
Then in my freshman year of college, I became really depressed once again due to financial issues, bad roommate situations, and being alone. I moved from my home in New Jersey to a dorm in Philadelphia. I am a really shy person and find it difficult to make friends, so when I started hanging out with my roommate and her friends, I was excited because I thought “Wow I’m actually making friends.” Well, that changed quickly once those they all distanced themselves and starting talking about me behind my back. I would never know the reason why they disliked me so much, but I think it was because I was an easy target…someone who was very shy, quiet, and alone.
To get out of that roommate situation, I began going to the gym, shopping in Center City, and going to the movie theaters. One of the movies I watched was The Scorch Trials. I watched the first one, and I instantly fell in love with the second too. I bought all the books, began to follow all the actors on social media, watched fan videos, and followed other people in the fandom on Twitter. I even returned to the movie theaters a few more times just to watch the movie again.
The Maze Runner fandom became my escape from my problems. I had bills to pay, homework assignments to do, and art projects to complete, because at that time, I was still an Art Education major.
In my second semester of college, I also became really depressed because I was questioning my college major. I felt that Art Education wasn’t for me anymore, and instead, I wanted to study Media Studies and Production. I wanted to work in the media industry, but at the time, I lacked the confidence to pursue it. So once again, I joined another fandom.
Even now in my sophomore year of college, I still feel sad from time to time. Although it’s not nearly as bad as middle school, high school, and my freshman year of college, I still use fandoms as my escape, because for a little while, I forget about my problems.
There are so many other fandoms that I did not mention, because If I did, the blog would go on forever. I’ve been in so many fandoms, from Twilight, The Hunger Games, 5 Seconds of Summer, Melanie Martinez, My Chemical Romance, Teen Wolf, The Flash, The Gabbie Show, Shane Dawson, and A LOT more. I am thankful for each fandom, because they all helped in some way when I was feeling down.
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