It’s time again for a monthly blog, and so much has happened since I last posted one that I really do not know where to start. Since I’ve been assigned the fifteenth, I could make a post about my Valentine’s Day as a single woman in her twenties and how important it is to love yourself rather than rely on anyone else to love you the way you deserve… I’m not going to, however, because the day is over, and I’d much rather forget it happened in the first place. Though I would like to take this time to talk about self-love and insecurities for a bit, since nobody compares to you, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone else, either.
It’s mega easy to compare yourself to others, and to feel like you aren’t doing enough. To look at someone who seems to be doing better than you are at the moment in their career or love life, or to look at someone and think to yourself that they’re skinnier, prettier, smarter than you are or will ever be. But the fact remains that they are not you, and you are not them. And something that might be super easy for you, is hard for them – you just can’t see it from the surface, and you can’t know about someone struggles until they tell you about it.
Of course, that sounds easier than it is. I haven’t mastered the art of not comparing myself to others yet, either. For instance, I have gained quite a bit of weight since I went back to uni to get that master’s degree – and it bothers me, just because I know that it’s not what I’m supposed to look like, that this is not me. Other people might not even notice, but I see someone on the street with the figure I used to have a year ago and then get down about how I let myself go. Though there are some things I have to take into consideration – I know I have anxiety and a crippling fear of failure, and sometimes just getting out of bed and getting to class is a struggle in and of itself. I also know that I’m a bit of an emotional eater and that I tend to grab that chocolate bar and hang on to my bottle of Coca Cola like a lifeline to get me through the day. If that chocolate bar gets me to class and if my frizzy bottle of sugar gives me enough focus to do my assignments to my full capabilities, is that not more important than putting on a bit of weight? Does it really matter that much?
It’s important to look yourself in the eye and to be honest with yourself. To know who you are, and what you are capable of, but also what your priorities are at this moment in time. Would I like to have a flat tummy and lose a few pounds? Sure. Is it a priority right now? Not at all – getting my anxiety under control is more important. Does it make me a lesser person, or a less beautiful person, just because I’m a few pounds heavier than I’d like to be? Of course not.
I struggle a lot with my self-image, and I would lie if I said that it’s been an easy ride to get where I am. But I am also trying my hardest on a daily basis, and try to love myself exactly as I am. To just be the truest version of myself I can be, and to be okay with that.
So what did I do on Valentine’s Day, you may ask? I dyed my hair lilac. to feel like the best, badass version of myself that I could possibly be, and went to a concert I wanted to go to because it made me happy.
It’s the best possible thing I could have done.