Fuzzable Blogs: April 23 – Fear in Writing

The phrase “fear in writing” might seem like I am about to discuss fears in actual texts, but I would like to discuss something more personal to myself in this month’s blog. While fear might be a dramatic term, I am here to talk, even if briefly, about my experience as a writer during this academic year.

I may have touched on this briefly in previous blogs, but I am an English literature student in my senior year in the United States. I majored in English literature because I thought it would be the best segue into becoming a writer and ultimately breaking into the editing and publishing world (both as an editor for a publishing company and as a writer publishing my own works). I did not realize that my university had an amazing creative writing program until my sophomore year of university, but I remained studying English literatue because I loved the program (I also didn’t want to risk graduating late from switching programs).

For my first three years in university, I did not write as much as I would have liked. Now, however, during my seior year, I have been writing fervently, constantly working on new short stories, poems, and a novel. But as a literature major, I have begun to feel like an imposter. I am putting in more work than ever before, but because I am not studying creative writing, I often feel horrible about myself and compare myself to my friends and peers who are actually studying creative writing.

I completely adore the literature program at my university and would never leave it, and I will continue to write regardless of how I feel, especially because I know the way I am feeling is mostly imparted onto myself by myself. My peers studying creative writing have, for the most part, been extremely supportive in my endeavors, which is another reason I love the English department at my university. We really are a community of people who simply love literature, whether we are analyzing it or writing it.

But part of myself feels like an imposter, and part of me cherishes that feeling. It can be overwhelming sometimes, but that doubt has pushed me to create more than I have ever created before this year. It fuels me, partially because I feel like I need to catch up to those who have been studying creative writing and partially because I feel like I need to prove myself and establish myself as a literature major who can also improve as a writer (and not just as an analytical writer like I have been trained to be as a literature student).

Regardless of how I am feeling now, I graduate university is less than a month at the time of writing this. I have begun immersing myself in the writing community on Twitter, which has been delightful and rewarding, and I cannot wait to see everything that awaits me in the world after graduation.

Do you experience any of these similar feelings? Do you have a different fear in writing? Comment below and tweet us @Fuzzable with all of your thoughts. 

Written by Preston Smith

capricorn, coffee addict, cat owner

twitter & instagram: @psm_writes

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