When it comes to Mr. Right; the qualities that are desired and considered important in a partner vary quite vastly from one person to another. Do you want tall, dark, and handsome? How about funny and charming with a pretty smile? Maybe you prefer brilliant, brave, and resilient. Or does is your perfect guy sweet and compassionate with bright blue eyes? The lists for dating go on and on and usually change as quickly as the seasons. Sometimes you figure out that the standard you set for your dream partner doesn’t meet your standards after all. Sometimes the qualities held in such high regard aren’t the ones that truly make us happy.
Long story short – dating can be confusing, stressful, and a bit overwhelming. Especially when you can’t seem to find that ‘perfect match’. More often than not, in that confusion, many people start looking inward and blaming their lack of romantic success on themselves. Other times, they begin to settle for less than they want and deserve, just so they’re not alone.
While it never hurts to reevaluate your own heart and spirit while preparing for love, it always hurts to lower your standards just to fill a void. You’re worth more than that. However, just because you hear that, doesn’t mean it’s easy to believe. Sometimes, being lonely is a feeling that envelops you. Sometimes, being lonely seems like the most painful thing in the world.
We decided to take a look at our own dating histories. Then we looked at social media and how it’s changed the dating game. After doing so, we needed a bottle of wine, but we were able to come up with some pretty solid dating tips.
Love yourself first
This may seem easier said than done, we know. However, until you can truly love yourself – you won’t be able to truly feel the love of your partner. If you can’t see beauty in the things about yourself that you have a hard time liking, you won’t understand what anyone else sees in you. Before you decide to find your perfect match, sit down and find out what you love about yourself. Those qualities will shine and you’ll bring in people who are likeminded. The most important person in any relationship you have is yourself. Your heart is worthy of great love, that starts with you.
Create a list
Make a list of what you expect out of a relationship, but leave out that your perfect dude is 6’5 with a jawline like Harry Styles. Seriously, there’s only one jawline like Harry Styles. No one else compares. Don’t set the standard so high for what you want physically that you forget that our tastes change and often; personality is what truly makes a person beautiful anyway. Try to create your list in regard to what you want out of love. Do you need weekly dates? Do you thrive off of affirmation?Is laughter important? Do you need someone willing to bare their soul or can you break down walls? Think about the things that are really important in a relationship and keep them in mind.
Make dating fun again
In the age of ‘instant gratification’ dating has almost become obsolete. Let’s face it, often times there are group hangouts, parties, and very little time for romance or dates that truly allow you to get to know one another. Don’t get caught up in what’s easy and readily available. Instead, have fun. Make that first date a trip to dinner and then bowling. Skip the movie theater where you won’t be able to talk. Go for coffee instead of beer. Plan a picnic instead of a fancy restaurant. Go on a hike. Find a museum. Create something. No matter what you do, make it fun. If you’re both enjoying yourselves, your true colors will shine.
Focus on the little things
After your first date or first few, try to think about the little things that make that person special. Do they pull out your chair at dinner? Open doors when you leave a place? Do they try to make you laugh? Do they ask you questions about yourself? Do their eyes light up when they talk about something they love? Are they frequently checking their phone? In the long run, the little things are the ones that are the most important. However, at the beginning, you’re probably too busy trying to make sure that they measure up to that ‘perfect image’ that you forget to pay attention. Bring the focus back to the way they make you smile – that’s more important than anything else.
Remember what you deserve
So let’s say you found that perfect person, all tall and rugged and sweet too. They seem too good to be true and you jump right in – giving it all you’ve got. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but try to remember what you deserve. Sometimes, all that perfect is just a well-played facade and if you give yourself away too fast, they’ll move on to get what they want from someone else. Some people are just always going to want things they can’t have, or the new and shiny models. If you ever feel like you’re giving too much, or that you suddenly aren’t receiving enough, or that a shift has taken place and it’s thrown off the balance – decompress and find out what it is that’s caused it, and talk it out. If it’s something you can’t talk about or something too big to fix – don’t be afraid to walk away.
Don’t let someone’s exterior disguise their interior
Similar to the previous advice, but worth mentioning again, don’t be so blinded by outer beauty that you miss a toxic heart. While we like to believe that everyone has good intentions, or that even those who don’t would change if they found true love, that’s not always the case. Sometimes the prettiest people do the ugliest things. Don’t be so blinded by those bright eyes and that perfect smile that you begin to accept things you know you don’t want. Don’t allow yourself to believe that you’d rather have someone beautiful on the outside than someone beautiful on the inside. Looks fade, but a beautiful heart will always be just that – beautiful.
Make sure there are butterflies
This one might seem immature, or naive, but it’s not – you deserve butterflies, so make sure they’re there. We’re only here for so long before our time is up and when you look back at your life, and your love, you’re going to want to look back at it with fondness and that fondness is going to come hand in hand with the love that made you feel alive. There is beauty in comfortability, but there is beauty in the giddy feeling you get when your soul meets its match. Don’t deny yourself that beauty.
We may not have it all figured out, but when we think about success in dating and love, those seem like pretty solid building blocks to a good foundation. Hopefully, they help you find love and romance of your own, and if not yet, they help you realize that it’s worth the wait.